oh yeah, and Queen Anne's County high caught on fire yesterday

27 dead, 18 children

http://www.reuters.com/article/2012/12/14/us-connecticut-towns-idUSBRE8BD0U120121214

I cannot fathom how someone could possibly do this. Not just shoot kids, but go on a bloody rampage. This is so messed up and it's happening here at hime. Yesterday there was a school search for a man running around the area with a gun. There was a person shot yesterday by Sts. Peter and Paul. I hope he's okay.  

things i want to do to improve not only my grades, but myself overall:

• delete all social network apps on my phone 
• make mixtapes for different moods
• listen to those mixtapes
• when you have free-time, don't get on the computer - read instead
• find a hobby
• go for walks 
• get out of my room more
• spend more time with my family
• clean my room more often
• stop being so bitter, brighten up!
• make new friends
• run more
• workout at least 4 times a week 
• spend less than 1 hour watching tv. or on the computer daily 
• do yoga, pilates, and zumba
• enter scholarship contests 

things to do until break

• begin the above list
• ace the logarithms test
• write the best damn essay you've ever written in your life, for AP lang

Every single time. 

She wants to go. 

He doesn't. 

He agrees to go. 

She's ready. 

He's not. 

She yells. 

He shouts. 

She stomps. 

She throws.

He yells. 

She slams. 

He pounds. 

She ignores. 

He unlocks. 

More yelling. 

Silence. 

Talking. 

Anger. 

Silence. 

They leave. 

Every single time. 

Filler-friends. That's what I they are to me and me to them.

http://www.albumoftheyear.org/ratings/1-pitchfork-highest-rated/2012/1

A&P Baby Project

Let me start off by saying, what a stupid project. FLOUR IS NOTHING LIKE REAL BABIES. Besides that, I'm enjoying it so far. I get strange looks when I carry Martin (my baby) in my arms; he has a leather jacket and the face of the little girl from the google commercial (thank you, Anna, for that).  Oh yeah, me and Sara are in a lesbian relationship and we had 3 babies (Bill Clinton and Sarah Palin) and we hare more than happy.

i used a photoshop tablet today, it was the most exhilarating feeling of my life (not really)

say what you gotta say it's on the tip of your tongue

day/nighttime

music

honey bunny / girls
i could go / oberhofer
the kids were wrong / memoryhouse
titanium / david guetta ft. sia
crazy little thing called love / queen
anything could happen / ellie goulding
florida / starfucker
wouldn't it be nice / beach boys 

album(s)

time capsules ii - oberhofer 

books

movies

school

pop culture

presidential election 

obama wins re-election 

other

wow, i'm so bad at pre-calc and AP lang now, that when i get a C i feel great relief

"Por alguna extraña razón -o puede que sea intuición- queremos creer que la vida es algo más que nacer, crecer, alimentarse, disfrutar de un bienestar personal más o menos sofisticado y, luego, morir."

(from the other day)

Erica acts like a fucking 15 year-old girl. I swear she's bitter about everything, she whines 24/7, if things don't go her way she yells and ignores you for the rest of the day, if you says something that slightly upsets her even though its true she finds 50 harsh things and spots them all at you one after another (it got to the point where I just broke down and started crying right there), she's a bitch, she walks like 10 seconds ahead everywhere and leaves without saying a word and we spend 20 minutes looking for her, then when we find her she says "nobody cares where I am anyways" when nobody had done or said anything. This has happened several times. There is not a single fucking day she doesn't say anything about my hair. "It looks fucking disgusting, I want to throw up just looking at it" "you know you should try brushing it sometime, I'm embarrassed just to be seen with you" "why don't you straighten it like normal girls" "maybe you should start fixing your hair, maybe that way you would look pretty"

And my dad. My dad doesn't look happy to be with us ever.

this is one of the most accurate posts i've seen

one of the worst moments in life is probably when you’re in a room full of people and you look around and see them all talking and laughing and all of sudden you feel so sad and lonely that you can even feel a physical pain in your chest because you realize that they all belong to someone and they all have someone who belongs to them and you don’t, you’re just kind of there

1. Clinic , Mayo (2012, Jul, 09). Interstitial Lung Disease . retrieved Nov 24 2012, from CNN Health Web Site: http://www.cnn.com/HEALTH/library/interstitial-lung-disease/DS00592.html

2. Clinic staff , Mayo (2012, Jul, 09). Interstitial lung disease: treatments and drugs. retrieved Nov 24 2012, from Mayo Clinic Web Site: http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/interstitial-lung-disease/DS00592/DSECTION=treatments%2Dand%2Ddrugs

3. Clinic staff, Mayo (2012, Jul, 09). Interstitial lung disease: causes . retrieved Nov 24 2012 , from Mayo Clinic Web Site: http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/interstitial-lung-disease/DS00592/DSECTION=causes

4. Interstitial Lung Diseases. (n.d) retrieved Nov 24 2012, from Medline Plus Web Site: http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/interstitiallungdiseases.html

the essay question is: "what makes you unique?"

nothing. nothing makes me unique. i'm made up of ideas pulled from here and there. i read books that others read and i watch movies that others watch. i don't possess some incredible talent or have a effortless beautiful face that makes me distinct. my life is vapid and nothing seems to change.

Mirror

I am silver and exact. I have no preconceptions.

Whatever I see I swallow immediately

Just as it is, unmisted by love or dislike.

I am not cruel, only truthful -

The eye of a little god, four-cornered.

Most of the time I meditate on the opposite wall.

It is pink, with speckles.
I have looked at it so long

I think it is a part of my heart.
But it flickers.

Faces and darkness separate us over and over.
Now I am a lake.
A woman bends over me,

Searching my reaches for what she really is.

Then she turns to those liars, the candles or the moon.

I see her back and reflect it faithfully.

She rewards me with tears and the agitation of hands.

I am important to her.
She comes and goes.

Each morning it is her face that replaces the darkness.

In me she has drowned a young girl, and in me an old woman

Rises toward her day after day, like a terrible fish.

tell me all the ways i can make myself right in your eyes

http://www.wmdt.com/story/18402048/easton-high-school-attack-foiled

tomorrow is going to be great
i get to see Taylor, Luz, Bry and maybe Kenia
Kreayshawn and a gram of green

so i'm caught up with gossip girl

transfer

cheers for legalized gay marriage in maryland [][][][][][][]

my posts are immature, grammatically incorrect and whiney but that's just life isn't it

One thing that really makes me mad is when people are ignorant towards other people beliefs (in this case political beliefs) and apathetic. People who say "who cares about politics" or "everyone just calm the fuck down" or "we can't even vote so?" really pisses me off; people can support their party or talk about politics openly if they fucking want to. They don't need some dumbass high-schooler to tell them to stop. Also, I hope they realize that we're voting in the next election and it will fucking matter: why not start caring now?. Other things that piss me off are when people are like "If __________ wins I'm moving to __________" no you're not. or hating the opposing candidate and bashing on him when you don't even know what he stands for; try looking at both sides.

obama is re-elected! 

i got on my polyvore and found these:

i made this one to make a point (almost all tumblr "cat" girls wear the same thing)

jane halloween costume

juno costume

daria costume

new ones!

So today is election day and to partake in the political havoc we did a mock (it wasn't funny ugh) presidential debate with Sarah Wood as Romney and Patrick Firth as Obama. It was pretty entertaining and they both stuck to their principles. They brought up pretty much every "hot" topic and discussed it as thoroughly as they could, well Patrick did, Sarah had bitchier remarks.

Also, this is my parents first time voting in a Presidential election (they became citizens shortly after the 2008 election) and I'm probably more excited for them about it than they are (actually, they don't show any emotion toward it)

happy election day!

october

nighttime:

matt and kim

oberhofer

halloween

music:

i'm not going to teach you boyfriend how to dance // black kids 

teen creeps // no age

lovely cup // group love

search and destroy // iggy pop and the stooges 

bohemian rhapsody // queen

midnight city // m83 

my body // young the giant 

heads will roll // yeah yeah yeahs

how long have you known // dive 

days are gone / burning hotels 

teenage lust // the jesus, mary chain

books:

movies:

school:

failed talent show

pop culture:

presidential/vice debates

question 6,7

other:

i saw emily!

I've listened to the same album like 10 times in 2 days..

This month wasn't as eventful as I wanted it to be to, but it was good overall. I'm looking forward to this month because:

• Waterfowl
• Kreayshawn
• Florida 
• Thanksgiving

I've never been this bored since I believed in Jesus

sup 

Sophomore Reading List (I actually started many of these, but I was too lazy to finish)

Their Eyes Were Watching God
1984
Brave New World
The Great Gatsby •
Dracula
Les Miserables
The Grapes of Wrath
The Things They Carried
A Prayer For Own Meany
The Giver
The Tree Grows in Brooklyn
Running With Scissors
Little Woman
Frankenstein
Jane Wyre
Alice in Wonderland
Girls of Slender Means
A Clockwork Orange
War and Peace
The Social Contract
One Hundred Years of Solitude
Catch 22
Crime and Punishment
Walden
Lolita
This Side of Paradise
The Master and Margarita

i'm looking forward to the Great Gatsby this year 

who am i kidding? nobody cares about the ecology club.
nobody is going to come to this stupid talent show
how did i ever think we were going to get anything out of this?
only 4 people signed up
stofa doesn't even read the announcements i put up

i'm stressing myself out too much.
i can't handle this

time to make this shit private

everybody always talks about:
crazy things they have done
people they have hooked up with
ex-boyfriends, ex-girlfriends
adventures
sneaking out
vacations to amazing places
kissing
sex
drugs
parties

and i always feel so left out

i sit in my room

i stay after-school for clubs

i don't have any stories to tell

;any worth hearing that is

people don't take me seriously

i never get invited anywhere

i'm not

cool

enough

i just want to remember high school

that's  it.

i want to have fun stories to tell

i want to say these years are worth going back to

Today was the first of many *major* tests to see how intelligent I actually am. As I'm sitting there with a pencil in my hand and the PSAT's in front of me (for the second time) I realized that I'm not as smart as I make myself out to be. I breeze through a couple of questions, but then I go brain dead. I read a passage and I'm grasping and analyzing everything I'm reading until about halfway; I keep reading, but my thoughts are somewhere else. It seems as if I have a short-attention span, but I think that's just an excuse for my stupidity.

ghost wave

I'm starting to see some results from my previous diet (plus I kinda like what I'm wearing) (I'm also in the kitchen) (But I still have a long way to go sigh)

I started a new diet today. I'm really excited.

I think I'm getting too attached with this blog. I like posting what I feel, no one ever listens. I don't make sense. Sigh.

I'm addicted to dieting

I want a boyfriend

I used to never let these things get to my head, but now I've realized that I've just held myself back all of these years. I let my shitty self-esteem get the best of me. Because of this, I've never had a real relationship or a *real* kiss.

Everyday I see couples around me; they hold hands and kiss goodbye and look at each other and tease each other and it looks so fun.

I want that.

temporary background (happy background)

I'm really looking forward to this weekend. I'm not doing anything *crazy* or partying and what-not, but I get to see Emily! I haven't seen her since that night at Anna's house and I truly do miss her. I think we are both in need of some *girl time* (I just gagged, I can't believe I just said that). It makes me really sad that she's out there in Salisbury, in a reserved Christian school with uber-conservative people and pretty depressed I guess...


On another note..I just took  Pre-Calc quiz and omfg I think I failed it

I already have more posts on this blog than I did all year on last year's blog

Cheers to the freaking weekend!

I saw this on Anna's tumblr and I think it's a good way to keep up with myself even if it's cliche idk

Had Beer.
Smoked an entire cigarette.
Done drugs.
Write on a bathroom wall.
Read a George Orwell book.
Had a physical fight.
Used Twitter.
Listened to Lady Gaga.
Been in a car accident.
Gotten suspended.
Gotten expelled.
Been allergic to something.
Got a computer virus.
Touched a real gun.
Had a dog.
Had a cat.
Been pregnant.
Camped out.
Swam in the ocean.
Wore a bikini.
Driven a car.
Been sent to the principal.
Ever liked someone.
Failed a class.
Failed a test.
Went to summer school.
Got worse than a D.
Got A’s, A’s and B’s.
Read an entire book.
Recorded my own music.
Had an xbox.
Worn heels more than 3 days in a row.
Wore fishnets.
Wore skinny jeans.
Hated someone.
Been cheated on.
Cheated on someone.
Worn makeup.
Lied to my parents about where I was going.
Had surgery.
Had my license.
Been to college.
Graduated high school.
Attempted suicide.
Self harmed.
Worn colored contacts.
Painted my nails black.
Broken someone’s heart.
Had my heart broken.
Cried for an hour straight.
Lost something very valuable.
Lost my virginity.
Got separated from one of my parents as a kid.
Broken a bone.
Gotten stung by a bee.
Eaten something bad/expired.
Threw up from being so drunk.
Saw someone throw up from being so drunk.
Danced with someone of the opposite sex.
Owned an ipod.
Owned an iphone.
Fell for a best friend.
Went far away from home for more than a week.
Moved out.
Ran away.
Had food poisoning.
Had a job.
Been fired.
Lied to a friend.
Lied to a family member.
Had a Facebook.
Posted a video on YouTube.
Started a rumor about someone.
Talked bad about someone.
Dropped out of school.
Deliberately failed a test.
Been skinny dipping.
Counted to a million.
Counted to a thousand.
Ate rabbit meat.
Ate duck meat.
Had fast food.
Been to Church.
Been to Canada.
Been married.
Had a divorce.
Broke a glass.
Hugged someone today.
Texted someone today.
Received a phone call today.
Threw something out of the window.
Ignored a text from someone on purpose.
Had my feelings hurt by a friend and never told them.
Wish you were somebody else.

I've noticed that most celebrities I've had crushes on look alike

Oberhofer and Matt & Kim